Good Me, Bad Me by Ali Land: Review

"I remember a story I read. A Native American tale where the Cherokee tells his grandson there's a battle between two wolves in all of us. One is evil, the other good. The boy asks him, which wolf wins? The Cherokee tells him, the one you feed."

I knew little about this book before reading it, and honestly, had I known a bit more - specifically, about the nature of the subject matter, which is very dark and disturbing, I'm not sure I would have chosen to read it. If I'd read this story in the newspaper (heaven forbid), I'd have quickly turned my eyes away and tried, probably unsuccessfully, not to think about it. As it was, I read the beginning and had serious doubts about whether I wanted to carry on. Then I read a bit further, and I still had serious doubts about whether I wanted to carry on. But somehow I did find myself reading to the end, which is some kind of testimony as to what a compelling read this is. It's a very impressive debut novel.

Fifteen year old Annie's mother is a serial killer of young children - a psychopath, it would appear - who not only horribly abused her own daughter but also made her somehow complicit in her crimes. Finally, Annie spoke out. She went to the police; her mother was arrested and put on trial; Annie was given a new name and identity (Milly) and placed in foster care, with only her foster parents and the headteacher of her new school knowing of her real identity and connection to the now notorious killer. But her new home is not the safe haven and fresh start she'd hoped for; the daughter of the house, Phoebe, is the meanest of mean girls and hell bent on making "Milly's" life even more of a misery. 

We see everything through Annie/Milly's internal monologue. Is she a reliable narrator? Only up to a point. Her monstrous mother, who she simultaneously hates, fears and yearns for, continues to exert a powerful pull over her, but her character only emerges through her daughter's eyes. It's impossible to understand why she did what she did, or indeed how she got away with it for so long. Clearly she's convincing and credible; her job gives her access to vulnerable women and children, but I still feel a certain suspension of disbelief is necessary to accept that nobody noticed the missing children or indeed that Annie herself was a victim of abuse.

The story is really about Annie's internal battle between on the one hand what she knows to be good and right and on the other hand the deeply entrenched effects of the only life and (some kind of) love she has ever known. Can she ever become her own person, free of her mother's malign influence, or are they just too deeply entangled to ever really separate? She is her mother's daughter, after all...

Beautifully written, thought provoking and deeply disturbing.

Ali Land has a background in child and adolescent mental health. This is her first novel.